References UK clinical guidance from the NHS, the British HIV Association (BHIVA), and the British Association for Sexual Health and HIV (BASHH). Last updated: April 2026.
Talking about STIs with a partner is one of the more awkward parts of a new relationship, but it’s also one of the most important. Honest conversations about sexual health protect both of you and build trust. The good news is that these conversations get easier with practice, and most people appreciate partners who take their health seriously.
Here’s practical guidance for navigating STI conversations in relationships.
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Before a New Relationship Becomes Sexual
A useful approach is to have a basic conversation before you start having sex:
- When was each of you last tested?
- Are you happy to both get tested together?
- What protection will you use?
- Are either of you on PrEP?
- Are there any known STIs to discuss?
This doesn’t have to be a heavy conversation. Framing it as “let’s look after each other” usually works well.
Testing Together
Many couples find it easier to test together — either at the same clinic or with home kits. Sharing the process normalises it and removes awkwardness. Both of you can test for:
- Chlamydia and gonorrhoea
- HIV
- Syphilis
- Hepatitis B and C if relevant
If both results are clear and you’re mutually monogamous, you can then decide how you want to handle protection.
Disclosing an Existing STI
If you have an existing STI that doesn’t just clear with antibiotics — such as genital herpes, HIV or HPV — you may need to have an honest disclosure conversation.
| Tips | Detail |
|---|---|
| Choose a private setting | Not in public, not during or right before sex |
| Lead with facts | Explain what it is, how it’s managed, and what the risks are |
| Give them space | Allow time to process and ask questions |
| Point to resources | NHS, Terrence Higgins Trust, Herpes Association |
| Be prepared for any reaction | Most people react better than you fear |
HIV and U=U
If you’re HIV-positive with a sustained undetectable viral load, U=U means you cannot pass HIV on sexually. Partners who understand this often react very differently from those who don’t. Sharing the science helps.
Herpes
Genital herpes is very common — most people will get HSV-1 in childhood from cold sores, and a large percentage carry HSV-2. Herpes disclosure can feel heavy but most partners take it in stride, especially when you explain how manageable it is.
If a Partner Reacts Badly
Some people react badly to disclosure. This is painful but says more about their understanding of sexual health than about you. You deserve partners who can handle honest information. Sexual health support groups can help you process difficult reactions.
Ongoing Honesty
In longer-term relationships, continue being honest about:
- Changes in testing or status
- New symptoms
- Any other partners (if your relationship allows this)
- Any concerns about possible exposure
Read more: Disclosing HIV status | Relationships with HIV | Avoiding STIs
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I have to tell a partner about past STIs that have been treated?
For most cured infections (chlamydia, gonorrhoea, trichomoniasis), there’s no obligation to disclose once cured. For persistent conditions (HIV, herpes, HPV), honest disclosure is usually appropriate.
How do I bring up STI testing without making it awkward?
Be matter-of-fact. Something like “Before we have sex, let’s both get tested — I’d feel better that way” is usually well received.
What if a partner refuses to test or use protection?
A partner who doesn’t care about shared sexual health isn’t looking after you. It’s reasonable to decline sex until you can both approach it safely.
Related reading
- Can You Get Chlamydia From Kissing?
- Can You Get Herpes From Kissing?
- Do You Have to Disclose Your HIV Status to an Employer?
- Disclosing Your HIV Status: Who, When and How
- How to Talk to Your Partner About STIs
Sources
- NHS — Sexual health conditions
- BASHH — UK clinical guidelines for STI management
- British HIV Association (BHIVA) — HIV treatment guidelines
- Terrence Higgins Trust — sexual health information
- UK Health Security Agency — STI surveillance data
Steve Page is a recognised expert on Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and STD treatments, having published numerous articles in peer-reviewed journals and presented his research at conferences around the world. He has an in-depth understanding of the latest medical research on STDs, and is an advocate for the development of new treatments and protocols to improve the health of those affected. In addition to his research, he has dedicated his career to understanding the causes and symptoms of STDs, as well as how to best treat those impacted.
