References UK clinical guidance from the NHS, the British HIV Association (BHIVA), and the British Association for Sexual Health and HIV (BASHH). Last updated: April 2026.
Telling a partner you have an STI is one of the harder conversations in a relationship, but it’s important for their health and for trust between you. Most people handle it better than you fear. With the right approach, the conversation can strengthen rather than damage your relationship.
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When to Tell
| Situation | When |
|---|---|
| New curable STI (chlamydia, gonorrhoea) | As soon as diagnosed — they need testing and treatment |
| Lifelong condition (herpes, HIV, HPV) | Before sexual contact with a new partner |
| Past treated STI | Not usually required for cured infections |
How to Have the Conversation
- Choose a private, calm setting
- Be direct but kind
- Lead with facts: what it is, how it’s treated, what the risks are
- Give them time to process
- Point them to reliable information
- Offer to go for testing together
What to Say
- “I’ve been diagnosed with [STI]. I’m getting treated and wanted you to know so you can get tested too.”
- “I have [herpes/HIV]. Here’s what that means and how it’s managed.”
- For HIV: explain U=U if you’re undetectable
If They React Badly
- Give them time — first reactions aren’t always final
- Provide written information they can read later
- Seek peer support for yourself
- Remember: your worth isn’t defined by their reaction
Partner Notification Help
Sexual health clinics can contact partners on your behalf without revealing your name. This is called partner notification and is confidential.
Read more: STIs and relationships | Disclosing HIV | Talking about STIs
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I legally have to tell my partner?
Not in most cases. For HIV, U=U removes transmission risk. Reckless transmission can be prosecuted in rare cases.
What if I can’t face telling them?
Clinics can notify anonymously on your behalf.
Will they leave me?
Most people react better than feared. Honesty builds trust.
Related reading
- Can You Get Chlamydia From Kissing?
- Can You Get Herpes From Kissing?
- How to Talk to Your Partner About STIs
- What to Do After a One-Night Stand
- Blood Test for Syphilis, Hepatitis B and Hepatitis C
Sources
- NHS — Sexual health conditions
- BASHH — UK clinical guidelines for STI management
- British HIV Association (BHIVA) — HIV treatment guidelines
- Terrence Higgins Trust — sexual health information
- UK Health Security Agency — STI surveillance data
Steve Page is a recognised expert on Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and STD treatments, having published numerous articles in peer-reviewed journals and presented his research at conferences around the world. He has an in-depth understanding of the latest medical research on STDs, and is an advocate for the development of new treatments and protocols to improve the health of those affected. In addition to his research, he has dedicated his career to understanding the causes and symptoms of STDs, as well as how to best treat those impacted.
