References UK clinical guidance from the NHS, the British HIV Association (BHIVA), and the British Association for Sexual Health and HIV (BASHH). Last updated: April 2026.
Talking to a partner about STIs — testing, status, concerns — is one of the most important conversations in a healthy relationship. It can feel awkward, but practice and honesty make it much easier. Whether it’s before you first have sex or after receiving a new diagnosis, here are practical ways to approach it.
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Before Sex: The Initial Conversation
A useful time to talk is before you first have sex with a new partner. Topics to cover:
- When were you last tested?
- What did you test for?
- Are you happy to test together?
- What protection will we use?
- Any known STIs?
Conversation Starters
| Approach | Example |
|---|---|
| Direct | “Before we sleep together, can we talk about testing?” |
| Shared | “Want to both get tested together? Peace of mind for both of us.” |
| Casual | “I’m due my usual test — how about you?” |
| Values-based | “I care about both our health — can we chat about sexual health?” |
If You Need to Disclose an Existing STI
If you have a lifelong condition like HIV, herpes or HPV, honest disclosure is usually appropriate:
- Choose a private, calm setting
- Lead with the facts: condition, management, transmission risk
- Explain U=U if you have HIV and are undetectable
- Give them time to ask questions and process
- Point them to reliable information
If You’ve Just Tested Positive
Telling current or recent partners about a new diagnosis is important:
- Process your own feelings first
- Think about who needs to know
- Choose the right time and place
- Be direct but kind
- Offer to go for testing together if appropriate
- Clinic staff can help with anonymous partner notification if preferred
Handling Different Reactions
They’re supportive
Appreciate it. Move forward together with care and testing.
They’re shocked
Give them time. Provide information. Most people adjust.
They react badly
That says more about them than you. Sexual health is not a moral issue. Seek peer support if you need it.
They refuse to test or take it seriously
Reconsider the relationship. A partner who won’t engage with shared health isn’t looking after you.
Tips for Effective Communication
- Choose a calm setting without distractions
- Avoid having the conversation during or just before sex
- Speak from your own perspective (“I want us both to feel safe”)
- Listen to their response
- Provide credible resources
- Offer options (testing together, using condoms, etc)
What to Avoid
- Accusations or blame
- Dismissing the other person’s concerns
- Assuming you know their status
- Having the conversation when drunk or high
- Waiting until it’s “too late”
Ongoing Conversations
STI discussions aren’t a one-off. In ongoing relationships, keep communication honest about:
- Any new partners (if relevant)
- Symptoms or concerns
- Routine testing
- Changes in status or treatment
Read more: STIs and relationships | Asking about testing | Disclosing HIV status
Frequently Asked Questions
Isn’t it awkward to bring up STIs?
A bit, at first. It becomes easier with practice and most partners appreciate it.
What if my partner refuses to test?
It’s reasonable to decline sex until you can approach it safely. You deserve care.
Should I tell about STIs from the past that were treated?
For cured infections, not usually required. For lifelong conditions, disclosure is usually appropriate.
Related reading
- Can You Get Chlamydia From Kissing?
- Can You Get Herpes From Kissing?
- How to Tell Your Partner About an STI
- What to Do After a One-Night Stand
- Blood Test for Syphilis, Hepatitis B and Hepatitis C
Sources
- NHS — Sexual health conditions
- BASHH — UK clinical guidelines for STI management
- British HIV Association (BHIVA) — HIV treatment guidelines
- Terrence Higgins Trust — sexual health information
- UK Health Security Agency — STI surveillance data
Steve Page is a recognised expert on Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and STD treatments, having published numerous articles in peer-reviewed journals and presented his research at conferences around the world. He has an in-depth understanding of the latest medical research on STDs, and is an advocate for the development of new treatments and protocols to improve the health of those affected. In addition to his research, he has dedicated his career to understanding the causes and symptoms of STDs, as well as how to best treat those impacted.
