References UK clinical guidance from the NHS, the British HIV Association (BHIVA), and the British Association for Sexual Health and HIV (BASHH). Last updated: April 2026.
Talking about STI testing with a new partner before you become sexually intimate can feel awkward, but it’s a healthy, responsible habit. Most people appreciate partners who care about shared sexual health. The conversation doesn’t have to be heavy — a short honest chat is often all that’s needed.
Here’s how to approach it.
Order a discreet home STI test
Why This Conversation Matters
- Most STIs are silent — you can’t tell by looking
- Testing gives peace of mind for both of you
- It sets a tone of openness and care in the relationship
- It lets you make informed decisions about protection
- It prevents avoidable STI transmission
When to Have the Conversation
- Before you first have sex
- Not at the last minute — earlier in the evening or the days before
- In a calm, private setting
- When you’re both sober
- Before alcohol or drugs are in play
What to Say
| Approach | Example |
|---|---|
| Direct | “Before we sleep together, can we talk about testing?” |
| Soft opener | “I always get tested before a new partner — when did you last test?” |
| Shared responsibility | “Want to both get tested together? It’s free and easy.” |
| Values-based | “I care about both our health — can we talk about STI testing?” |
Questions to Cover
- When were you last tested?
- What did you test for?
- Do you know your HIV status?
- Are you on PrEP or using condoms?
- Have you had any STIs we should know about?
- Are you comfortable testing together?
How to Handle Different Responses
“I’ve been tested recently”
Ask what for and when. Recent testing with multiple infections covered is reassuring.
“I’ve never been tested”
Suggest testing together before becoming sexually active. This is a reasonable request from anyone.
“Why? Don’t you trust me?”
Explain that it’s not about trust — most STIs are silent, and testing is about shared care, not suspicion.
“I have an STI”
Thank them for being honest. Ask questions. Research the condition together. Many STIs don’t have to end a relationship.
Testing Together
Doing it together is often the most straightforward approach:
- Book together at a sexual health clinic
- Order home test kits at the same time
- Share results honestly
- Decide on protection strategies together
If They Refuse to Test
A partner who refuses testing or dismisses the conversation isn’t caring about your shared sexual health. It’s reasonable to delay or decline sex until you can approach it safely. You deserve partners who take these things seriously.
Ongoing Honesty
This conversation shouldn’t be a one-off. As relationships develop, keep communication open about testing, any new partners and any symptoms. Ongoing honesty protects both of you.
Read more: STIs and relationships | Reducing STI risk | Avoiding STIs
Frequently Asked Questions
Isn’t asking about testing a mood-killer?
Only if you make it heavy. A brief honest conversation is normal and most people respond well.
What if I’m embarrassed?
Most people feel some awkwardness. It gets easier with practice. The alternative — not knowing — is worse.
Should both people test or just new partners?
Both. It’s about shared care, not one-sided suspicion.
Related reading
- How Accurate Are Rapid HIV Tests?
- Anonymous STI Testing: What It Means
- Are HIV Tests Accurate If You're on PrEP, PEP or ART?
- Are STI Blood Tests Accurate?
- Blood Test for Syphilis, Hepatitis B and Hepatitis C
Sources
- NHS — Sexual health conditions
- BASHH — UK clinical guidelines for STI management
- British HIV Association (BHIVA) — HIV treatment guidelines
- Terrence Higgins Trust — sexual health information
- UK Health Security Agency — STI surveillance data
Steve Page is a recognised expert on Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and STD treatments, having published numerous articles in peer-reviewed journals and presented his research at conferences around the world. He has an in-depth understanding of the latest medical research on STDs, and is an advocate for the development of new treatments and protocols to improve the health of those affected. In addition to his research, he has dedicated his career to understanding the causes and symptoms of STDs, as well as how to best treat those impacted.
